And we’re back

LBHF broke up with me last night, 6 days after the anniversary of our first makeout. I am pretty fucking devastated, but then I have been in the throes of a major depression and also didn’t sleep well since I kept forgetting to breathe, so who the hell knows what’s really going on here.

More to come; stay tuned for a pity party of heretofore unseen magnitude.

Listlessness

This is gonna be a boring one, so feel free to skip it. Last night, I opted to stay in and keep myself out of trouble. Had a few invitations come in: bowling and a party with LBHF’s roommate, drinks out with Bar Dude, drinks in with the Seminary Student, pubcrawling with brother and some of his friends. Declined, all,

The other bitches

The Ex is still not really talking to me. I saw him this weekend, when we exchanged some things (he gave me some paperwork and I gave him my key to the loft). He’s going through some shit right now, and I don’t take it personally.

Dr. Jones is also not talking to me. Fuck that guy.

OLB hasn’t popped back up since I ignored his last “goodmorning beautiful xoxo”. Good riddance to him and his freakish full-body stubble.

Mr. Grownup Date is working as much as I am, and we’ve had a hard time coordinating with one another. Now I’m dreading telling him that I don’t want to see him after all.

There’s also some other dude from matchdotcom that’s been emailing me lately, but he seems like kind of a douche. Still not looking forward to telling him to fuck off. He asked if I wanted to get together for a drink, and I haven’t responded.

Ex’s effeminate friend and I were supposed to get together for drinks last week, but I was sick and neither of us emailed or called the other to cancel. He ignores me on forums like Twitter, Facebook, and his blog, but emails intimately- I’m annoyed at this game.

Unusually Tall Indian Guy made a mix CD for me and hinted that he’d like to go out on a date with me, but didn’t actually ask. He also said that I seem tense lately, which caused me to worry for a bit about whether or not I actually am tense, until I recognized the irony of the situation.

Saw Satanist Waiter out with LBHF. It was less awkward than I thought it might be, though it was still a little awkward. He smirked at us.

AFF Waiter texted a couple of weeks ago to solicit me for a FMF threesome. I didn’t respond and haven’t heard back from him.

Abrasive Dude With Whom I Once Worked has been Facebook-messaging me in the middle of the night in attempts to get me to go drink with him. He’s pretty attractive and I’d probably be interested if my attentions weren’t otherwise occupied. A little sad about this one, but I’d feel guilty if I pursued it, I think.

No one else comes to mind- I think this is the full rundown.

We don’t love them hoes

Been a hell of a couple of weeks. I’ve simply been too busy to be overly concerned with most of the crap that drives me to post here. In explanation, I will refer you to yet another of Catullus’s poems- this time, 51:

Otium, Catulle, tibi molestum est:
otio exsultas nimiumque gestis:
otium et reges prius et beatas
perdidit urbes.

Here’s my liberal translation:
Sitting on your ass, Catullus, is what ends up causing your problems;
having nothing to do is what leads you to wallow in carefree hedonism and subsequently totally emo out-
leisure has totally fucked even kings, and ruined great cities.

The gist of it is that angst is a byproduct of not having anything more pressing to do.

Here’s a summary on your usual suspects:
Beercan – is seeing someone! He has a giIiIiIiiirlfriEeEeEEeeeEEnd! He seems really happy, and I am happy for him. We’re on good terms and no longer fucking.

OLB – Well, I thought he’d actually finally given up until I heard from him today:
(02/21 3:11PM) Wanna play tnite?

AFF Waiter – Also popping up from time to time. I am considering giving him another chance, but I’m just not sure. He was really sweaty, which is just gross. Also, the thing with the blinds… eh, who knows.

Dr. Jones – off again, in a big way. Possibly very realistically For Real This Time. Why is that, you ask? Well, I think he’s not entirely comfortable with the way I feel about him, as expressed by way of this blog. “But how, Anterior Motive, could he possibly know that,” you ask? Well, dear reader, because I told him about it. I linked him. “Why on earth, Anterior Motive, would you do such a thing?” Because he asked. Fuck it. Balls to the wall.

Anterior Motive – again, busy as hell. Been “talking to” a few people, but nothing particularly exciting has arisen just yet. This might be because I’m feeling emotionally distant in general, but emotions have caused me nothing but trouble anyway, and I’m not unhappy about being my normal detached self again.

Points-rated post coming soon! Stay tuned!

Oh, man

I have been in PMS hell for the past couple of weeks or so. I have a medical condition that makes me pretty irregular, so I can sometimes go months without getting my period- but then when it does show up, it’s a real doozy.

Briefly:

• Been completely ignoring all of the usual suspects except Dr. Jones, to whom I may or may not have declared my undying love in a fit of sobbing. I’ll never tell.
• Ex’s friend is seriously balls-to-the-wall hitting on me. I’m flattered but disinterested. Not sure how best to handle the situation.
• I have decided that I want Ex to die by accidentally being hit by a car being driven by his New Ho.  I am very cranky with both of them for being in love.
• I’ve pretty much quit drinking. I also started running again. It hasn’t made me any stabler, just less likely to commit embarrassing drunktexts.
• I have actively craved french fries for about a week and a half consecutively now. I’ve had them a couple of times.

Summary: I’m a huge mess. At this point, it’s impossible to take myself at all seriously.

I think I’m going to go get McDonald’s.

Some other things that I just remembered that I like about AFF waiter

• His realname is really cute. Just ask J.
• We discussed which types of dried squid are our favorites. (He likes Japanese shredded squid, whereas I prefer Korean whole squid.)
• We geeked out over a particular kind of excellent muscat-flavored (muscadine) Japanese gummy.
• He enjoys drunk-and-screaming karaoke.

It’s very possible that I just like him right now because I am tired of OLB, BC, and even Dr. J at the mo’. I’m very fickle and I know it. We exchanged texts yesterday, but I haven’t heard back from him since, so we’re currently in radio silence. More to come, or not.

Yeah, I totally didn’t send that email

After sleeping on it, it seemed unnecessarily melodramatic. I’m just hanging onto it for myself.

• Still no idea what to wear on my Friday date.
• Bored.
• Tired of AFF groupies and am ignoring them.
• It’s been a pretty productive day at work- haven’t run into Dr. J at all.
• I feel remarkably non-angsty today.