Got this email yesterday:
Subject: Hello
Let’s get some coffee this week.
[The Needy Gamer]
{March 19, 2010}
The Lady Said No
{March 18, 2010}
The iPhone Dude
In my previous post, I mentioned that there were three people with whom I’d made dates during my brief return to Match.com. Only one of them handled my initial backpedal gracefully enough to have ended up with a date with me, and that was The iPhone Dude
{April 5, 2009}
The Submission Wrestler
…is fantastic. I was skeptical about this evening and had already decided that, when the date didn’t work out, I was going to take some time off from dating to regroup. However, I was pleasantly surprised. I’ll give a brief rundown.
We were supposed to meet for coffee at a spot in Midtown (for some reason, I always mistakenly think it’s in Buckhead until I’m on my way there and am surprised by how much farther it is than I thought it would be) at about 9:45. Unfortunately, my haircolor appointment ran longer than I anticipated, so I texted him to let him know that I wouldn’t be able to make it until about 10:15. No problem, he said.
{April 3, 2009}
My Mood Just Improved by a Factor of Ten
I was in a ho-hum kinda mood for most of the morning, thinking idly about exactly what punishment I would mete out to those that have slighted me if I were a supervillain (interestingly, most people just wanted to talk about what outfit I’d wear when I brought up the supervillain thing), but when I was hunting down some photos to send to C of my Saturday night, I realized that Mr. Saturday Night is also the dude that’s into Ayn Rand and submission wrestling. Just the phrase “submission wrestling” gives me a little chill! I tell you bitches what; that beefcake can wrestle me into submission any time he likes! Now I’m much more excited about that date than I was before.
We’ll see if I am, in fact, too bitter to enjoy being out with dudes.
{February 21, 2009}
Ooh, I have a grownup-date!
Monday night, at a little Italian place in Buckhead. It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything other than the standard non-commital coffee/drinks. I didn’t even have to pick the place or name the time. I guess it’s time to invest in a new LBD, since the only one I own anymore is a much-too-big size 6. Looking forward to meeting this guy, but I’ll spare the details until I can give a full report.
Also possibly going for noncommital coffee tomorrow afternoon with some other dude. He’s big and muscular, and I think Brazilian or something.
{December 8, 2008}
The Satanist Waiter
11/20 - K and I went out, after drinking heavily, for my birthday dinner, to a trendy local taqueria. The cute waiter (-1) flirts with me, and ends up giving me his phone number along with the check. He is about 6′, and visibly muscled under his t-shirt. He has full-sleeve tattoos on both arms, and shaves his head. I invite him to join a large crowd for my birthday party the following night. Regrettably, he has to work, and declines.
11/20 (later on) - I call him later that night and we make plans to go out the following week to Dave and Buster’s.
11/22 - He calls to say hi, and asks about my AnswerRing ™, which is currently set to “Eye of the Tiger.” I explain that the reason I have “Eye of the Tiger” set as my AnswerRing ™ is that “Eye of the Tiger” is fucking awesome and gets me totally pumped. He responds that he hates the song, and only listens to blackmetal (-2). Confidently, I say that I dislike blackmetal, but that I do at least know the difference between blackmetal and deathmetal. I explain that the vocals are the primary differentiator; that deathmetal vocals are low-pitched guttural growling and snarling, while blackmetal vocals are high-pitched warbly screeching. He says that, while that is generally correct, the major difference between the two is that blackmetal is nearly always Satanist in content. We are not, however, talking about feline sacrifices or anything here; he is a “Laveyan Satanist” (-5), which basically refers to a philosophy that Ayn Rand is really great and that it’s dumb to care about anything but self-interest. At about this point, my mother calls, and I cut the call short.
11/25 - I have been thinking about cancelling, because I’m already thinking that this guy is not gonna do anything for me, based on the above deductions. After discussing it with several people, however, I decide that it will make an interesting story, if nothing else, so I decide to go through with the date after all.
11/26 - He texts to cancel about 2 hours before we’re supposed to meet at Dave and Buster’s. He was asked to pick up his two children (-10) a day earlier than expected for the Thanksgiving holiday. I text him back and tell him to have a great holiday. I am not at all broken up about the cancellation.
11/28 – He texts to say that he hopes I’m having a great holiday. I don’t respond.
12/10 – I haven’t called him in over a week, and never did get around to responding to his last text message. After an unsatisfying conversation with Dr. J (we’ll get to him later), I decide that the guy is cute enough and could be fun, and that I could stand to get out of the house, and with someone new for a change, so I call him up. He expresses surprise that I called him at all, saying that he assumed that the child factor had turned me off, and that he understood completely and wasn’t upset. I tell him that he’s not wrong, but that I decided to call him anyway. I go through further checklist points:
Are you currently married? Well, he wasn’t expecting to get that question over the phone, but yes, actually, he is married (-10), to the mother of his children. They are separated and plan to finalize the divorce in January.
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Wow, another one he wasn’t expecting. It doesn’t count if the charges were dropped, right? Okay, only convictions- good. I actually thought he was joking about that because I would totally say something similar if asked the same question, and would totally be joking.
What do you do for fun? Well, he’s actually kind of a nerd. He spends a lot of time playing video games (+1). This is good- I like video games. What kind of video games? Well, he isn’t into console gaming (-1); really, he only plays one game these days. Let me guess: World of Warcraft (-2)? Actually, yes.
At this point I know that I’m just going out with this guy because it’ll make a good anecdote; I have zero hopes. I remember his being cute, though, so maybe there’ll be some chemistry there… We make plans to go out the next weekend. I have plans every evening until the following Sunday, so we decide we’ll go out then. Why don’t I just take him to that bar I like (it’s where my birthday party occurred), and we can play darts? Okay, sure, fine.
12/05 – I am thinking about cancelling again. I am really not excited about this date. Whatever.
12/07, 2PMish - I decide that I’ll still go, but that I don’t want him at my bar. There are already enough regulars there that I don’t want see, and it’s a really good bar, so he might like it and keep coming back or something. I text him and say I’m not in the mood for drinks tonight, and ask if we can get coffee instead. He responds: “Ok. your place or somewhere else?” Nice fucking try, dude. What’s his favorite coffeehouse? Caribou. Okay, fine. Pick a location. Midtown? There’s a Caribou at Piedmont and Monroe. Fine, we’ll meet there at 5.
12/07 5PMish – Shit. I am on my way, and I have just realized that I was driving the wrong route, having gotten onto the highway and immediately gone into autopilot mode while thinking about how the idiom “to have one’s cake and eat it, too” makes no sense. I call from the road as I’m turning around and explain what happened and that I’d be a few minutes late as a result. No problem, he says. Fuck, I really don’t want to go on this date. I’d just be an asshole to back out at this point, though.
I finally get there, order my coffee, and sit down. He is less cute than I remembered (-5), and what’s up with his teeth? (-5) He is good-natured, and we talk for awhile. I am hoping that we’ll just have coffee, and then I can go home and do nothing. Nope- he still wants to play darts. It’s still early and things aren’t going terribly, so what the hell, I’ll go. We drive (his car) to some bar in the Highlands that he knows. It’s closing early, because the staff wants to go to a party. No problem, he knows somewhere else. We go to The Independent. It’s closed as well. This is a little frustrating, but he knows some other places. I don’t want to go to the Highlander, I say, because my ex plays trivia there sometimes and I think Sunday is their trivia night. What if he wants to meet my ex (-2), he asks? He can want to meet my ex all he wants to, I say, but I don’t want him to, so he isn’t going to. [This kind of thing actually seems to happen a lot with men that are interested in me; they are all curious about the dude I decided not to marry. I think they want to scope out the competition.] He backs down quickly. We go to another bar, this one in Little Five Points. It’s open. We play darts and I don’t suck. While we’re playing, he tells me about his stint in the army, and how he really enjoyed being in combat because he enjoyed the opportunity to be violent without repercussions (-2). I lose two games, and we decide to find somewhere to eat.
After discussing it at some length, we decide to go to La Fonda. On the way there, he tells me about that felony I thought was a joke. He was arrested and charged with a felony (-5) for destroying a flower bed in front of the Intercontinental hotel and throwing the flowers at his friend. Um, yes- really.
We eat food and I am done with the night. It’s now 9PM or so, and I have no interest in spending any more time with the guy. I’ve been fairly uncomfortable for most of the evening (-10), and I’m not feeling any chemistry with the dude. I start mentally scrolling through viable excuses before I even place my order for food. He gazes at me while we eat and it makes me edgy. Food eaten, I pay the check and we leave.
In the car, he says that now it is the time for the sex talk. He didn’t want to have it when we were inside the restaurant because there were people sitting about a foot away from us. It was pretty packed. Oh, great- fucking sex talk. I say smoothly that he can talk all he wants, but there’ll be no sex tonight, because I need to get home and crank out some things for work. Yes, work is the excuse I’d ultimately picked. Well, that’s good, but there’s something specific he wants to talk to me about. I am really tense at this point, readying my defenses. He has a “problem with latex, he says. Thank. Fucking. God. I have an out (+25). That definitely does not work for me, I tell him firmly. Yeah, he figured I might, he says wistfully. He tries to go into a bit more detail and I reiterate that it’s a non-negotiable for me, so we decide to part ways amicably. There’s obviously no point in continuing this, he says (yessssssss!), so nobody’s feelings will be hurt if we don’t hear from each other again, right? No, I think it’s for the best. (Yesssss! MOTHERFUCK YES!) We hug, cordially, as he drops me off at my car.
I hope he doesn’t fucking call me.
Final score: -34
