We don’t love them hoes

Been a hell of a couple of weeks. I’ve simply been too busy to be overly concerned with most of the crap that drives me to post here. In explanation, I will refer you to yet another of Catullus’s poems- this time, 51:

Otium, Catulle, tibi molestum est:
otio exsultas nimiumque gestis:
otium et reges prius et beatas
perdidit urbes.

Here’s my liberal translation:
Sitting on your ass, Catullus, is what ends up causing your problems;
having nothing to do is what leads you to wallow in carefree hedonism and subsequently totally emo out-
leisure has totally fucked even kings, and ruined great cities.

The gist of it is that angst is a byproduct of not having anything more pressing to do.

Here’s a summary on your usual suspects:
Beercan – is seeing someone! He has a giIiIiIiiirlfriEeEeEEeeeEEnd! He seems really happy, and I am happy for him. We’re on good terms and no longer fucking.

OLB – Well, I thought he’d actually finally given up until I heard from him today:
(02/21 3:11PM) Wanna play tnite?

AFF Waiter – Also popping up from time to time. I am considering giving him another chance, but I’m just not sure. He was really sweaty, which is just gross. Also, the thing with the blinds… eh, who knows.

Dr. Jones – off again, in a big way. Possibly very realistically For Real This Time. Why is that, you ask? Well, I think he’s not entirely comfortable with the way I feel about him, as expressed by way of this blog. “But how, Anterior Motive, could he possibly know that,” you ask? Well, dear reader, because I told him about it. I linked him. “Why on earth, Anterior Motive, would you do such a thing?” Because he asked. Fuck it. Balls to the wall.

Anterior Motive – again, busy as hell. Been “talking to” a few people, but nothing particularly exciting has arisen just yet. This might be because I’m feeling emotionally distant in general, but emotions have caused me nothing but trouble anyway, and I’m not unhappy about being my normal detached self again.

Points-rated post coming soon! Stay tuned!

Trouble in paradise?

BC’s corn-fed slumber party guest seems not to be working out as well as anticipated. He texted me last night to see whether I wanted to get together with him this weekend. I responded with a tentative maybe.

What the hell is wrong with me?

The gist:

• Dramatic discussions with Dr. Jones lead to inconsiderate text-message cancellation of OLB date. (OLB possesses a shit-eating grin that annoys me, though he is a total freak and I now have some regrets as I wonder how to repair that situation for future potential. Honestly, the guy is a douche. A muscly-ripped douche with zero body fat, but a douche nevertheless.)
• Talks break down with Dr. Jones. I think his (not ex!) girlfriend’s daughter was fucking with him or something, or possibly just connectivity issues.
• I get bored and frustrated with perceived lack of progress and head out for J’s- just as Dr. J comes back online. I tell him I’ll be back in a couple of hours..
• Head to J’s, see BC. Daaaaamn, he looks good. Have a couple of glasses of wine and head back home.
• On the way home, text BC to let him know that he looks delicious and that I hope he has a great time on vacation.
• Invite BC over to “help me pack”.
• Since they have the same build, I attempt to pretend that BC is, in fact, Dr. J. It just doesn’t work.
• Up until 2:30-ish due to various activities. Sigh, the chemistry is just not right. We’re not just on different pages, we’re reading different books. His is probably a book about football statistics or something. I am getting tangled up in this metaphor. I’ll move on.
• Still haven’t packed anything but my gun and my liquor, but isn’t that what vacation is really about?

Dr. J gets very jealous of my various escapades. Not sure whether/how I’ll present this one to him. Going on vacation this afternoon for the long weekend. Will attempt to post about Wednesday’s non-date debacle once I get moving this morning.

Beercan: Final Update

Thursday, J expressed some concern about a staff meeting she was asked to attend. Given the state of things these days and the number of people I know who have recently been laid off, I was anxious on her behalf. When I didn’t hear from her after the meeting, and when my phone call to her went directly to voicemail, I imagined that everyone I saw from her area of our office floor looked as though they had been crying. I messaged Beercan just as J was coming online to find out whether he’d heard from her; the first time I’d “talked” to him all day.

1:36 PM Anterior Motive: have you heard from j in the past couple of hours?
1:37 PM Anterior Motive: ah there she is nm

Friday, called in sick to work due to a raging fuckin’ hangover from a late Thursday out with S and another of our coworkers (J stopped by but managed to escape before getting into trouble with us). Had an early afternoon appointment with my colorist that lasted several hours. I didn’t speak to BC at all on Friday.

Yesterday, J told me that BC mentioned to her that he guessed that we were no longer dating, given my spotty communications of the previous couple of days. Easiest. Letdown. Ever.

I just remembered having had some weird dream involving him and his lack of lips last night, but I don’t remember what happened in it.

Here endeth the book of Beercan- probably.

Eyes on the Prize

(10:05:57 AM) J: so, you have to share
(10:06:02 AM) J: because according to [beercan]
(10:06:09 AM) J: you had a lovely evening of snuggling on the couch
(10:06:41 AM) Anterior Motive: uh really?
(10:06:44 AM) Anterior Motive: that is so weird
(10:06:50 AM) Anterior Motive: i was purposely boring
(10:06:55 AM) Anterior Motive: i made him help me with my grocery list
(10:07:30 AM) J: HA! that’s excellent. to him, that’s probably like, domesitc nesting
(10:07:44 AM) Anterior Motive: damn.
(10:07:51 AM) Anterior Motive: i also just talked about work
(10:07:54 AM) Anterior Motive: like, the entire time
(10:08:05 AM) Anterior Motive: oh well, epic fail
(10:08:15 AM) J: meh. it’s ok
(10:08:25 AM) J: the cruise is fast approaching
(10:08:28 AM) J: you’re almost off the hook
(10:08:45 AM) Anterior Motive: you think he’ll lose interest while he’s on it?
(10:09:14 AM) J: well, he’s bringing this girl
(10:09:18 AM) J: the minnesota chick
(10:09:24 AM) J: who is basically his version of heaven
(10:09:32 AM) J: she’s farm grown and likes the missionary position
(10:09:38 AM) J: and would be more than happy to give him babies
(10:09:53 AM) J: she’s staying in my house for 4 days after the trip
(10:09:57 AM) J: should be great fun
(10:10:21 AM) Anterior Motive: HA
(10:10:22 AM) Anterior Motive: YES
(10:10:24 AM) Anterior Motive: AWESOME
(10:10:50 AM) J: i know
(10:10:50 AM) J: :)

Tuesday Beercan update

Talked to J today; apparently Beercan told her that I seemed really excited about our date tomorrow. That’s kinda weird, since I am noncommital at best about it. I guess that means he’s not going to give me the easy letdown tonight and free up my Wednesday night. Oh, well.

Irony

(3:08:54 PM) Anterior Motive: but now i am having a new problem
(3:09:09 PM) Anterior Motive: which is that my BA, who wrote these requirements, has slightly different grammatical conventions than i do
(3:09:31 PM) Anterior Motive: so i am struggling with preventing myself from rephrasing everything she wrote
(3:10:07 PM) Beercan: damn, that will make the day drag out
(3:10:28 PM) Anterior Motive: yeeeeeeeah… but i’m really particular about that kind of thing
(3:10:37 PM) Anterior Motive: she has extraneous commas all over the damn place
(3:10:54 PM) Beercan: I used to do that
(3:11:03 PM) Beercan: its kind of like typing how you talk
(3:11:36 PM) Beercan: of course enough grad school papers will teach you how to get rid of them
(3:11:40 PM) Anterior Motive: but a comma doesn’t indicate where you’d stop for breath!
(3:11:46 PM) Anterior Motive: so many people use it that way
(3:11:50 PM) Anterior Motive: sorry…
(3:15:06 PM) Anterior Motive: i also hate it when people capitalize things for no reason
(3:15:12 PM) Anterior Motive: want me to leave you alone and stop griping?
(3:15:24 PM) Beercan: no, your ok
(3:15:29 PM) Beercan: I would hate that to

Beercan update

Having this conversation with J, who is Beercan’s roommate (yes, I’m changing his nickname) and my coworker:

(2:52:34 PM) J: [Beercan] told me last night
(2:52:42 PM) J: that he thinks you want different things than him
(2:52:49 PM) J: i just smiled politely and said, oh really?
(2:52:50 PM) J: :)
(2:52:59 PM) Anterior Motive: he’s probably not wrong
(2:53:05 PM) J: no, he’s not
(2:53:08 PM) Anterior Motive: but we haven’t really discussed exactly what either of us wants
(2:53:10 PM) J: he wants someone barefoot in the kitchen
(2:53:20 PM) J: but he’s also a guy
(2:53:26 PM) J: and will settle for whatever you give him
(2:53:54 PM) Anterior Motive: i don’t even know what barefoot in the kitchen means, euphemistically
(2:54:02 PM) Anterior Motive: does that imply, like, babies and nurturing and stuff?
(2:54:27 PM) J: yes
(2:54:28 PM) J: it means
(2:54:40 PM) J: he once told me that he would be happier dating a waitress than a woman with a career
(2:54:43 PM) J: because he makes money
(2:54:47 PM) J: and she doesn’t have to
(2:55:07 PM) Anterior Motive: weird
(2:55:33 PM) Anterior Motive: that makes no sense to me
(2:55:51 PM) Anterior Motive: but then again i usually end up being the earner in any relationship
(2:55:59 PM) Anterior Motive: and am currently annoyed as shit about it
(2:56:01 PM) J: me too on both counts
(2:56:49 PM) Anterior Motive: although that is comforting in a way
(2:56:57 PM) J: right, his intentions are good
(2:57:07 PM) J: he wants to take care of someone so they can take care of him
(2:57:11 PM) J: that’s admirable
(2:57:20 PM) Anterior Motive: because it would be really awkward if he was, you know, thinking that things were phenomenal and soulmatey
(2:57:27 PM) Anterior Motive: because i enjoy hanging out with you
(2:57:45 PM) J: i already gave him the “[anteriormotive] is my soulmate not yours” speech
(2:57:51 PM) Anterior Motive: but i honestly don’t see things going anywhere with him and want to minimize the eventual awkwardness that will ensue when we both reach that conclusion
(2:58:17 PM) J: right and i think he’s coming to taht conclusion on his own
(2:58:20 PM) J: more slowly than you
(2:58:22 PM) J: but he’ll get there

Beercan and I are supposed to go out on Wednesday evening. Now I’m wondering if *he* will actually give *me* the easy letdown. That would be so excellent, because I am getting tired of having to do that myself.

We don’t love them hoes

Some updates.

Coworker’s Roommate: We’ve been fucking. He’s pretty cute, nice, easy to talk to. I have a confession to make, though. He is the same height, has the same build, the same cleft chin and the same dimples in both cheeks as Dr. Jones. You can’t tell from looking at him because he’s not blond, but they really share a lot of physical resemblance. I know, I know. CR has dark hair and his eyes are a much brighter blue. He has a stubble that scrapes my chin raw and a stupid faded tattoo of a dragon on his bicep that I do not like. He snores and moans strangely in his sleep. His penis is ENORMOUSLY thick; a beer-can cock if I’ve ever seen one. He drives a Honda Civic. He is super-vanilla and the sex isn’t great. He is very quiet during sex, which annoys me, and is not very good at getting me off. A plus is that he has a really short recovery period. The icing on the cake: I went to his house yesterday to have dinner with him, his roommate (who I LOVE), and some german guy they know from kickball. There was a print on the wall that showed the New York skyline. There were two glowing spaces where the Twin Towers would have been, and in the foreground was the Statue of Liberty, crying. I am SO not kidding. It is his and he did not purchase it ironically. I was already getting bored with him, but now I don’t think I can take him seriously. I need to figure out how to break things off amicably without making it awkward for me to hang out with his roommate.

Opera-Loving Bodybuilder: I hadn’t talked to him since before I went to my hometown for the holidays. He texted yesterday (before I saw that godawful print on CR’s wall) and we have a date tomorrow. We’re going to meet for coffee at a Waffle House. I like how unpretentious that is. He has to catch a flight for some bodybuilding meet, so it will be strictly a meet-n-greet. I have some hope for good sex there. He looks like Dr. J, too, in a more obvious way. He seems smarter than CR and is definitely a freak- no more vanilla for me.

Young EMT: Heard from him yesterday as well, late at night after I had gotten home from wine and dinner at CR’s. He seems annoyed with how difficult it is to get into my schedule. So not my problem- I told him that he had to book me in advance, as I am a busy lady. Seems likely at this point that nothing will come of it.

I am eating like a pig these days and probably gaining weight.

Another confession: I drunktexted Dr. J on NYE, while I was out with CR. I’d played a song on the jukebox that always reminds me of him and texted to tell him that he had better come on up to the bar to defend my honor against all the other dudes. His response was “What?” I haven’t mentioned it since. He messaged me at work yesterday, and I was very abrupt with him. I can’t remember the last time I cried, though, so I think I’m getting better.

I’m so trashy

Me (9:57am)
On a scale of one to ten, I was pretty damn tacky. Sorry for making a spectacle. We had a great time. 

Coworker Party Host (9:58am)
Nooo! No apologies necessary. My headband was tacky. Dry humping my roommate on the stairs was priceless. :) He wants to marry you, by the way. Come over soon.