99 Bottles of Attractive Male Company On The Wall

Last night was a lot of fun. There was a company event with free booze yesterday afternoon, but I was in such a vile mood that I did not feel like being sociable, so I opted to stay at work and work instead.

I must be missing something

I have been in a bad mood all day. In response to this, three separate people have attempted to convince me that my bad mood would be cured by my giving them blowjobs.

Not kidding. Three separate people.

The funny thing is that I find this so amusing that my bad mood has, in fact, lessened slightly.

Thursday Night Quickie

Well, I’ve been masturbating so much that my carpal tunnel syndrome is starting to come back. It’s time to make a new gentleman friend. Here is the news on my prospects:

1. Twitterdude. My favorite contender atm. He got his wisdom teeth removed this morning. I was pretty pissed at him; convinced that he was secretly married and trying to play me. He won me over with two brief text messages- which I can sadly not relate at this exact moment, since my phone is completely dead and charging and I apparently didn’t log the conversation in which I transcribed them for my SMG earlier this week. To summarize: he is really hot and I want him, and even though he’s been somewhat unresponsive, I cannot WAIT to meet him again.

2. New player. I have to decide what to call him. I met him on Sunday after discovering him on Google Buzz and subsequently twitterstalking him. I seriously believe that he might be my evil twin. Unfortunately, I don’t find him particularly attractive, since he is not very tall and somewhat skinny. This might be work-around-able, but I’m just not sure yet. We’ll have to see how it goes.

3. Abrasive Dude With Whom I Once Worked: is back in the game. Maybe. Indirectly twitterflirted (am I spending too much time on Twitter lately?) with him via C this evening. He wants me to go to his house tomorrow. I’m just not sure.

4. Dr. Jones had been sending some fairly exciting text messages last week. However, he is currently on vacation, and I’ve been trying not to bother him. He reads my blog semi-regularly now. Hi, Dr. Jones! You’re fucking hot. You should be in town, so that I could harass you into doing something with me that you’d later regret.

I cut ties with iPhone Dude and didn’t ever call Mr. Grownup Date back. I’m shitty at the dating game this time around, it seems- but there’s more to come, and I promise it’ll be even better this time around.

Some highlights to which you can look forward:
- the Snuggie Pubcrawl
- my insane weekend
- the text messages from Twitterdude
- and more!

I love you, C.

Sigh.

(4:45:39 PM) C: you ok?
(4:45:52 PM) AM: i think dr jones is going to this work party for which i’m about to leave
(4:46:02 PM) C: behave.
(4:46:04 PM) C: :)
(4:46:06 PM) AM: why?
(4:46:13 PM) C: okay. dont behave.
(4:46:16 PM) AM: haha

Dear Dr. Jones

You are in dire need of a haircut.

Busy Day!

Going to a hair appointment shortly,

The Bad News

On the way home from last night’s date, I caught up with S via phone, who was out drinking at our usual spot with M, KC, and The Canadian. They wheedled until I agreed to join them for a glass of wine (I’m off most liquors until the end of next week) and I stopped in. Everyone was already three sheets to the wind when I arrived, and I, having just had dinner with a man that does not drink alcohol, was completely sober. M and KC had been making out with each other, it seems- surprising since they are both girls and I’d recently had an argument with M when she referred to a bisexual mutual acquaintance as “confused”. M and I usually get along pretty well, but…

Weird dreams

One night last week, when LBHF slept over, I had a series of terrible nightmares. I think this might be because of some sort of MSG sensitivity, since we’d just had Chinese food, but maybe it was purely psychological. Who knows.

We don’t love them hoes

Been a hell of a couple of weeks. I’ve simply been too busy to be overly concerned with most of the crap that drives me to post here. In explanation, I will refer you to yet another of Catullus’s poems- this time, 51:

Otium, Catulle, tibi molestum est:
otio exsultas nimiumque gestis:
otium et reges prius et beatas
perdidit urbes.

Here’s my liberal translation:
Sitting on your ass, Catullus, is what ends up causing your problems;
having nothing to do is what leads you to wallow in carefree hedonism and subsequently totally emo out-
leisure has totally fucked even kings, and ruined great cities.

The gist of it is that angst is a byproduct of not having anything more pressing to do.

Here’s a summary on your usual suspects:
Beercan – is seeing someone! He has a giIiIiIiiirlfriEeEeEEeeeEEnd! He seems really happy, and I am happy for him. We’re on good terms and no longer fucking.

OLB – Well, I thought he’d actually finally given up until I heard from him today:
(02/21 3:11PM) Wanna play tnite?

AFF Waiter – Also popping up from time to time. I am considering giving him another chance, but I’m just not sure. He was really sweaty, which is just gross. Also, the thing with the blinds… eh, who knows.

Dr. Jones – off again, in a big way. Possibly very realistically For Real This Time. Why is that, you ask? Well, I think he’s not entirely comfortable with the way I feel about him, as expressed by way of this blog. “But how, Anterior Motive, could he possibly know that,” you ask? Well, dear reader, because I told him about it. I linked him. “Why on earth, Anterior Motive, would you do such a thing?” Because he asked. Fuck it. Balls to the wall.

Anterior Motive – again, busy as hell. Been “talking to” a few people, but nothing particularly exciting has arisen just yet. This might be because I’m feeling emotionally distant in general, but emotions have caused me nothing but trouble anyway, and I’m not unhappy about being my normal detached self again.

Points-rated post coming soon! Stay tuned!

Oh, man

I have been in PMS hell for the past couple of weeks or so. I have a medical condition that makes me pretty irregular, so I can sometimes go months without getting my period- but then when it does show up, it’s a real doozy.

Briefly:

• Been completely ignoring all of the usual suspects except Dr. Jones, to whom I may or may not have declared my undying love in a fit of sobbing. I’ll never tell.
• Ex’s friend is seriously balls-to-the-wall hitting on me. I’m flattered but disinterested. Not sure how best to handle the situation.
• I have decided that I want Ex to die by accidentally being hit by a car being driven by his New Ho.  I am very cranky with both of them for being in love.
• I’ve pretty much quit drinking. I also started running again. It hasn’t made me any stabler, just less likely to commit embarrassing drunktexts.
• I have actively craved french fries for about a week and a half consecutively now. I’ve had them a couple of times.

Summary: I’m a huge mess. At this point, it’s impossible to take myself at all seriously.

I think I’m going to go get McDonald’s.