Whoops

OLB texted me last night to let me know that he was playing with the other M from our cancelled MMF. I didn’t respond. I briefly considered undumping him on the grounds that he has an amazing body (even though he shaves the whole thing) and is very very naughty, but then I remembered his stupid face and I just couldn’t go through with it.

Of course, the elimination of my other male distractions led to- what else? – Dr. Jones.

See, I have this analogy about my feelings for Dr. Jones, which I gave to J sometime last week. Something that will help you understand this analogy is to know that I really like brie. There is one brie in particular (okay, technically, it’s not a brie, because it’s not made in France) called the Sweetgrass Green Hill. It is a phenomenal fucking brie. I love this brie above all other bries. Occasionally I will go to Whole Foods with the sole purpose of acquiring some Green Hill. Sadly, everyone else also loves Green Hill, so it is often sold out and unavailable. When told at the cheese counter that Green Hill is sold out, I’ll inquire as to when more will come in, and will promptly forget about it until the next time I crave brie and go back to discover that it has been sold out yet again.

I don’t cry when I can’t get Green Hill, and do not need Green Hill to complete my life. I just like Green Hill and try to acquire it when the mood strikes me. When it’s unavailable, I am annoyed as I must go unfulfilled (although sometimes I’ll try another triple-cream soft cheese instead, but it’s never the same and often just disappoints), but my failure to acquire cheese is not an earth-shaking tragedy, and it does not shape my perception of the world.

J rightly called me out for bullshit on this metaphor, and though I didn’t agree with her at the time, I think I have proven to myself that my irrational fixation and desire for Dr. Jones goes far beyond my love for cheese. I feel better when he is in my life; it’s the inevitable subsequent goings-away that really fuck me up.

OLB gets annoying

Tried to make this update a couple of times yesterday, but WordPress and my phone don’t seem to get along well.

OLB texted me while I was out with AFF waiter on Tuesday night:

01/20/2009 10:20PM – On for friday nite still?

I didn’t respond, because I was out with someone else. Yesterday was a hellaciously busy day at work, so I also didn’t respond during the day, but I’d planned to give him a call when I left the office. However, I then received this text:

01/21/2009 5:02PM – Hey you…..

I was in a meeting, so I didn’t respond to that one immediately, either, which led to this voicemail:

01/21/2009 5:21PM – Hey hot stuff, ah, it’s [OLB], ah I’m callin to make sure we’re on for Friday, I haven’t heard from you, I hope everything’s ok, um, I haven’t heard from you since you got back from your trip- I THINK. Anyway, catch you soon. [gives his phone number]

So, during a period of less than 20 minutes, he calls AND texts (I was still in my meeting when I received the voicemail, by the way) after not having received a response from his previous message. At the time, it seemed somewhat pushy and obnoxious, but I was in a pissy mood to beat all others at the time, so I decided to sleep on it before making a decision as to whether I’d burn that bridge completely.

This morning, after a moderate but still inadequate amount of sleep, I’m on the fence. It’s very possible that I overreacted completely, but K and J had varying impressions when I talked to both of them yesterday. Correct me if I misinterpret, ladies, but here’s the gist as I recall it:

K – You don’t have to like him; that’s not what it’s about. Go ahead with Friday, because it is a new and exciting experience that you might not otherwise have. You can always ditch him afterwards.

J – What the hell? The guy is just a booty call; he has to realize that the boundaries of this situation are not the same as they might be if you were taking starlit beach walks and talking about each other’s feelings. Ditch the dude, and other opportunities will come along. Anyway, I like AFF Waiter as a prospect much more.

In these two cases, I paraphrase.

I’ll post when I’ve decided exactly what I’m going to do. I think my horomonal levels are off or something, because I am nowhere near as whorishly aggressive this week as I had been for the past month or so. Then again, it could also be the combination of work stress and sleep deprivation. More when I figure out what I’ll do…

What the hell is wrong with me?

The gist:

• Dramatic discussions with Dr. Jones lead to inconsiderate text-message cancellation of OLB date. (OLB possesses a shit-eating grin that annoys me, though he is a total freak and I now have some regrets as I wonder how to repair that situation for future potential. Honestly, the guy is a douche. A muscly-ripped douche with zero body fat, but a douche nevertheless.)
• Talks break down with Dr. Jones. I think his (not ex!) girlfriend’s daughter was fucking with him or something, or possibly just connectivity issues.
• I get bored and frustrated with perceived lack of progress and head out for J’s- just as Dr. J comes back online. I tell him I’ll be back in a couple of hours..
• Head to J’s, see BC. Daaaaamn, he looks good. Have a couple of glasses of wine and head back home.
• On the way home, text BC to let him know that he looks delicious and that I hope he has a great time on vacation.
• Invite BC over to “help me pack”.
• Since they have the same build, I attempt to pretend that BC is, in fact, Dr. J. It just doesn’t work.
• Up until 2:30-ish due to various activities. Sigh, the chemistry is just not right. We’re not just on different pages, we’re reading different books. His is probably a book about football statistics or something. I am getting tangled up in this metaphor. I’ll move on.
• Still haven’t packed anything but my gun and my liquor, but isn’t that what vacation is really about?

Dr. J gets very jealous of my various escapades. Not sure whether/how I’ll present this one to him. Going on vacation this afternoon for the long weekend. Will attempt to post about Wednesday’s non-date debacle once I get moving this morning.

Beercan: Final Update

Thursday, J expressed some concern about a staff meeting she was asked to attend. Given the state of things these days and the number of people I know who have recently been laid off, I was anxious on her behalf. When I didn’t hear from her after the meeting, and when my phone call to her went directly to voicemail, I imagined that everyone I saw from her area of our office floor looked as though they had been crying. I messaged Beercan just as J was coming online to find out whether he’d heard from her; the first time I’d “talked” to him all day.

1:36 PM Anterior Motive: have you heard from j in the past couple of hours?
1:37 PM Anterior Motive: ah there she is nm

Friday, called in sick to work due to a raging fuckin’ hangover from a late Thursday out with S and another of our coworkers (J stopped by but managed to escape before getting into trouble with us). Had an early afternoon appointment with my colorist that lasted several hours. I didn’t speak to BC at all on Friday.

Yesterday, J told me that BC mentioned to her that he guessed that we were no longer dating, given my spotty communications of the previous couple of days. Easiest. Letdown. Ever.

I just remembered having had some weird dream involving him and his lack of lips last night, but I don’t remember what happened in it.

Here endeth the book of Beercan- probably.

Eyes on the Prize

(10:05:57 AM) J: so, you have to share
(10:06:02 AM) J: because according to [beercan]
(10:06:09 AM) J: you had a lovely evening of snuggling on the couch
(10:06:41 AM) Anterior Motive: uh really?
(10:06:44 AM) Anterior Motive: that is so weird
(10:06:50 AM) Anterior Motive: i was purposely boring
(10:06:55 AM) Anterior Motive: i made him help me with my grocery list
(10:07:30 AM) J: HA! that’s excellent. to him, that’s probably like, domesitc nesting
(10:07:44 AM) Anterior Motive: damn.
(10:07:51 AM) Anterior Motive: i also just talked about work
(10:07:54 AM) Anterior Motive: like, the entire time
(10:08:05 AM) Anterior Motive: oh well, epic fail
(10:08:15 AM) J: meh. it’s ok
(10:08:25 AM) J: the cruise is fast approaching
(10:08:28 AM) J: you’re almost off the hook
(10:08:45 AM) Anterior Motive: you think he’ll lose interest while he’s on it?
(10:09:14 AM) J: well, he’s bringing this girl
(10:09:18 AM) J: the minnesota chick
(10:09:24 AM) J: who is basically his version of heaven
(10:09:32 AM) J: she’s farm grown and likes the missionary position
(10:09:38 AM) J: and would be more than happy to give him babies
(10:09:53 AM) J: she’s staying in my house for 4 days after the trip
(10:09:57 AM) J: should be great fun
(10:10:21 AM) Anterior Motive: HA
(10:10:22 AM) Anterior Motive: YES
(10:10:24 AM) Anterior Motive: AWESOME
(10:10:50 AM) J: i know
(10:10:50 AM) J: :)