99 Bottles of Attractive Male Company On The Wall

Last night was a lot of fun. There was a company event with free booze yesterday afternoon, but I was in such a vile mood that I did not feel like being sociable, so I opted to stay at work and work instead.

Fuck. (Chapter Two)

Continued from Chapter One.

LBHF’s Roommate: Oh yeah, you were hilarious.
LBHF: You were pretty funny with those texts, too.
AM: Texts?

This is really not good. It seems that I have lost some part of the previous night, as my brain has failed to record the entire thing.

The Bad News

On the way home from last night’s date, I caught up with S via phone, who was out drinking at our usual spot with M, KC, and The Canadian. They wheedled until I agreed to join them for a glass of wine (I’m off most liquors until the end of next week) and I stopped in. Everyone was already three sheets to the wind when I arrived, and I, having just had dinner with a man that does not drink alcohol, was completely sober. M and KC had been making out with each other, it seems- surprising since they are both girls and I’d recently had an argument with M when she referred to a bisexual mutual acquaintance as “confused”. M and I usually get along pretty well, but…

Oh, man

I have been in PMS hell for the past couple of weeks or so. I have a medical condition that makes me pretty irregular, so I can sometimes go months without getting my period- but then when it does show up, it’s a real doozy.

Briefly:

• Been completely ignoring all of the usual suspects except Dr. Jones, to whom I may or may not have declared my undying love in a fit of sobbing. I’ll never tell.
• Ex’s friend is seriously balls-to-the-wall hitting on me. I’m flattered but disinterested. Not sure how best to handle the situation.
• I have decided that I want Ex to die by accidentally being hit by a car being driven by his New Ho.  I am very cranky with both of them for being in love.
• I’ve pretty much quit drinking. I also started running again. It hasn’t made me any stabler, just less likely to commit embarrassing drunktexts.
• I have actively craved french fries for about a week and a half consecutively now. I’ve had them a couple of times.

Summary: I’m a huge mess. At this point, it’s impossible to take myself at all seriously.

I think I’m going to go get McDonald’s.

Dr. Jones is off the project

You may recall that Dr. Jones and I worked closely together, and that he’d told me some time ago that he was going to be reassigned to another effort. It didn’t actually happen until today, and I’m afraid it has done absolutely nothing to improve my positively foul mood.

Text from Dr. Jones (01/22/2009 10:33AM) Free at last!

While I immediately realized that this was probably what he was talking about, I guess I got my hopes up that he might actually be talking about something else. By something else, I mean his relationship. Of course, that isn’t what he meant.

I am deeply annoyed with him for being so happy about it (although I recognize that it will be very helpful to him in alleviating his unreasonably large workload) and also deeply annoyed with him for this being the first communication that I received from him since Friday of last week.

I am trying to think of a nasty and gruesome way in which I would like him to die right now. Will update when I come up with it.

Zero to popcorn factory explosion in 2.4 seconds

Here are the other things that annoyed me yesterday prior to the double-whammy from OLB.

Saw obnoxiously sweet twitters to and from The Ex and his new ho. (Yes, I liked her when I met her, but I am jealous and don’t have to be nice about it.)
NewHo: @TheEx oh you totally knew & you didn’t tell me shame on youuuuu! 8:57 PM Jan 20th from twitterrific in reply to TheEx
TheEx: @NewHo you know my policy regarding secrets :) 9:00 PM Jan 20th from web in reply to NewHo

I don’t know what the fuck they are talking about, but to hell with both of them. At that point, I decided that I hoped they would both die in a horrific popcorn factory explosion. I went with this scenario because it is slightly more comical than gruesome, and while I am bitter, I am not exactly homicidally enraged about the whole thing.

I decided to stick with the theme when, in the meeting during which I was bombarded by OLB, I was forced to sit in a room with Dr. bitchass Jones, who constantly interrupted my glowering silence with dumb jokes at which I could not help but snicker. Few things are more annoying than being made to giggle when you’re trying to be in a bad mood. Popcorn factory explosion for him, too, then.

It was also very cold and I have had constipation-related bloating all week, which never makes a girl feel like her sassy and gorgeous self.

In addition to all that, one of The Ex’s friends has been email-flirting at me (he is one of the Facebook flirters mentioned in a previous post), and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. He’s very nicely muscled, but somewhat effeminate and fussy, and I also just feel weird about the fact that he and The Ex are still hanging out regularly. I am thinking about Having Things To Do With him just as a way of lashing out at The Ex for the possibility that his dog (formerly our dog) might like the New Ho better than she liked me, but that might be completely ineffective given that The Ex seems to have moved right the fuck along. Also, I don’t think his dog would have much of a reaction.  I’ll probably post more about The Ex’s friend later, after I come up with a glib nickname for him.

What the hell is wrong with me?

The gist:

• Dramatic discussions with Dr. Jones lead to inconsiderate text-message cancellation of OLB date. (OLB possesses a shit-eating grin that annoys me, though he is a total freak and I now have some regrets as I wonder how to repair that situation for future potential. Honestly, the guy is a douche. A muscly-ripped douche with zero body fat, but a douche nevertheless.)
• Talks break down with Dr. Jones. I think his (not ex!) girlfriend’s daughter was fucking with him or something, or possibly just connectivity issues.
• I get bored and frustrated with perceived lack of progress and head out for J’s- just as Dr. J comes back online. I tell him I’ll be back in a couple of hours..
• Head to J’s, see BC. Daaaaamn, he looks good. Have a couple of glasses of wine and head back home.
• On the way home, text BC to let him know that he looks delicious and that I hope he has a great time on vacation.
• Invite BC over to “help me pack”.
• Since they have the same build, I attempt to pretend that BC is, in fact, Dr. J. It just doesn’t work.
• Up until 2:30-ish due to various activities. Sigh, the chemistry is just not right. We’re not just on different pages, we’re reading different books. His is probably a book about football statistics or something. I am getting tangled up in this metaphor. I’ll move on.
• Still haven’t packed anything but my gun and my liquor, but isn’t that what vacation is really about?

Dr. J gets very jealous of my various escapades. Not sure whether/how I’ll present this one to him. Going on vacation this afternoon for the long weekend. Will attempt to post about Wednesday’s non-date debacle once I get moving this morning.