I Wish I Could Get a Restraining Order

To keep unwanted people out of my dreams. It is fucking invariable that, any time LBHF makes an appearance in my dreams, I am going to be miserable and lonely, and feel shitty all day. Of course, since today also brings with it the need to contact both my bank and my local police station multiple times due to my debit card’s number having been compromised by some fucking asshole, it was bound to be a not-very-good day anyway. I also stubbed my toe first thing this morning.

Physicist called several times yesterday. I spoke to him once. He wants to have dinner sometime this week, but I graciously declined on the grounds that I have plans nearly every night. He sounds like kind of a goober, and not in a good way. Also, somehow in my drunken stupor, I had forgotten that he is a grad student. Bleagh. Students. I might just write this one off from the get-go.

The identity theft debacle also kept me in last night, despite my plans. I think that SMG is sick today, which probably means that tonight is off as well. I plan to stay in and sulk. Fuck everything; it’s Tuesday and I’m hating life.

no, UR a guay!

Okay, okay, I know I’ve been bad- I’ve fallen off the face of the blogosphere. I wish I could say that it’s because I’ve been caught up in a whirlwind of drunken orgies and sudden wealth, but

Listlessness

This is gonna be a boring one, so feel free to skip it. Last night, I opted to stay in and keep myself out of trouble. Had a few invitations come in: bowling and a party with LBHF’s roommate, drinks out with Bar Dude, drinks in with the Seminary Student, pubcrawling with brother and some of his friends. Declined, all,

Whoops.

LBHF came over this evening to keep me company. Somehow, we ended up making out on the sofa, after which we took a shower (I needed to groom myself, as I had not been anticipating such intimate company)

We don’t love them hoes

Been a hell of a couple of weeks. I’ve simply been too busy to be overly concerned with most of the crap that drives me to post here. In explanation, I will refer you to yet another of Catullus’s poems- this time, 51:

Otium, Catulle, tibi molestum est:
otio exsultas nimiumque gestis:
otium et reges prius et beatas
perdidit urbes.

Here’s my liberal translation:
Sitting on your ass, Catullus, is what ends up causing your problems;
having nothing to do is what leads you to wallow in carefree hedonism and subsequently totally emo out-
leisure has totally fucked even kings, and ruined great cities.

The gist of it is that angst is a byproduct of not having anything more pressing to do.

Here’s a summary on your usual suspects:
Beercan – is seeing someone! He has a giIiIiIiiirlfriEeEeEEeeeEEnd! He seems really happy, and I am happy for him. We’re on good terms and no longer fucking.

OLB – Well, I thought he’d actually finally given up until I heard from him today:
(02/21 3:11PM) Wanna play tnite?

AFF Waiter – Also popping up from time to time. I am considering giving him another chance, but I’m just not sure. He was really sweaty, which is just gross. Also, the thing with the blinds… eh, who knows.

Dr. Jones – off again, in a big way. Possibly very realistically For Real This Time. Why is that, you ask? Well, I think he’s not entirely comfortable with the way I feel about him, as expressed by way of this blog. “But how, Anterior Motive, could he possibly know that,” you ask? Well, dear reader, because I told him about it. I linked him. “Why on earth, Anterior Motive, would you do such a thing?” Because he asked. Fuck it. Balls to the wall.

Anterior Motive – again, busy as hell. Been “talking to” a few people, but nothing particularly exciting has arisen just yet. This might be because I’m feeling emotionally distant in general, but emotions have caused me nothing but trouble anyway, and I’m not unhappy about being my normal detached self again.

Points-rated post coming soon! Stay tuned!

Ah, hell.

So, let’s pick up where we left off.

After deleting my profile at AFF, I signed up for a trial account at Match.com. So far I have had one date with someone from Match. I will post about it later, and will bring back the ever-popular points system when I do so.

OLB still texts every other day or so.

Text from OLB (02/11 9:17AM) Ur bailing on me was weird ya know. I was diggin ya.
Text from OLB (02/14 12:15PM) Happy valentines day beautiful xoxo
Text from OLB (02/15 9:09PM) Come play this wknd with my new friend and i?

At some point, his persistence is going to be less flattering than annoying and I’ll tell him to fuck right off, but I’m kinda tired of burning bridges just now.

Had a good time out with Beercan on Friday night, but the follow-up activities were reliably disappointing, as usual, and on Saturday when we went out for brunch before I took him home there was absolutely nothing to talk about. I did have a delicious steak, though, so it wasn’t a total loss.

I stayed in for the rest of VDay. G came over to watch some HD deliciousness, and I napped a lot. It was truthfully one of the least awful Valentine’s Days that I’ve had in years.

There are new and attractive prospects these days, so I’m sure I’ll have more to write soon. Sorry for leaving hanging those of you that have missed living vicariously through my sordid saga. I’ve been a very naughty girl, and I need to be punished.

Oh, man

I have been in PMS hell for the past couple of weeks or so. I have a medical condition that makes me pretty irregular, so I can sometimes go months without getting my period- but then when it does show up, it’s a real doozy.

Briefly:

• Been completely ignoring all of the usual suspects except Dr. Jones, to whom I may or may not have declared my undying love in a fit of sobbing. I’ll never tell.
• Ex’s friend is seriously balls-to-the-wall hitting on me. I’m flattered but disinterested. Not sure how best to handle the situation.
• I have decided that I want Ex to die by accidentally being hit by a car being driven by his New Ho.  I am very cranky with both of them for being in love.
• I’ve pretty much quit drinking. I also started running again. It hasn’t made me any stabler, just less likely to commit embarrassing drunktexts.
• I have actively craved french fries for about a week and a half consecutively now. I’ve had them a couple of times.

Summary: I’m a huge mess. At this point, it’s impossible to take myself at all seriously.

I think I’m going to go get McDonald’s.

Juxtaposition

The conversations related here are transcribed from texts.

(01/30 6:39AM) OLB: Goodmorning beautiful!! xoxo
(01/30 11:31AM) Anterior Motive: It amazes me that you are even a morning person when your morning starts that early.
(01/30 11:50AM) OLB: It amzes me that i cant get u to come play so that i can smack your ass and choke you while you suck my cock….. ;-)
xoxox still bummed…..

I know that I probably shouldn’t have encouraged him in the first place, as it’s best to make a clean break in such situations. I must confess that I didn’t do so partially because I thought that I might later regret having burned this particular bridge, but now I see that remaining friendly is just not an option. Plus, if you recall, he has an EXTREMELY stupid face.

However, I’d also been texting with Dr. Jones at about the same time, and was struck by the differences between them. He’s currently in Pittsburgh, attending the funeral of a family member of his girlfriend. He’d been texting me to complain about the ice and snow on the roads and how miserable the drive had been, when a coworker who was in the same meeting as I was at the time piped up to mention that Dr. Jones was in Pittsburgh for a funeral and that it was really snowy and icy there. I was amused.

(01/30 11:21AM) Anterior Motive: Are you sending the same txts to me and [coworker] again? ;) thought i was special.
(01/30 11:47AM) Dr Jones: A similar one about the snow, but not the same.
(01/30 11:49AM) Anterior Motive: Just teasing you.
(01/30 11:55AM) Dr Jones: But you are special.

I sighed.

I’m confident in the assertion that I’m pretty tired of being a hoebag party-girl. I removed my profile from AFF last week, and I just feel disgusted at the idea of random NSA raunchy sex. My recent encounters have been just a bunch of worthless douchebags and I think I’m better off on my own.

TGIF

I can’t believe I cancelled a mfm threesome to stay home and watch Vacancy 2 by myself.

OLB is on the calendar

Second date planned for Thursday. I’m supposed to make a salad, but my favorite salad involves hard-boiled eggs, smoked salmon, goat cheese, and garlic vinaigrette- all very stinky things. I’m going to have to find something less stinky. I don’t really actually LIKE him very much, but he is a fun playmate. Wish I could skip dinner and get right down to business. Maybe next time I’ll decline the food part.