The other bitches

The Ex is still not really talking to me. I saw him this weekend, when we exchanged some things (he gave me some paperwork and I gave him my key to the loft). He’s going through some shit right now, and I don’t take it personally.

Dr. Jones is also not talking to me. Fuck that guy.

OLB hasn’t popped back up since I ignored his last “goodmorning beautiful xoxo”. Good riddance to him and his freakish full-body stubble.

Mr. Grownup Date is working as much as I am, and we’ve had a hard time coordinating with one another. Now I’m dreading telling him that I don’t want to see him after all.

There’s also some other dude from matchdotcom that’s been emailing me lately, but he seems like kind of a douche. Still not looking forward to telling him to fuck off. He asked if I wanted to get together for a drink, and I haven’t responded.

Ex’s effeminate friend and I were supposed to get together for drinks last week, but I was sick and neither of us emailed or called the other to cancel. He ignores me on forums like Twitter, Facebook, and his blog, but emails intimately- I’m annoyed at this game.

Unusually Tall Indian Guy made a mix CD for me and hinted that he’d like to go out on a date with me, but didn’t actually ask. He also said that I seem tense lately, which caused me to worry for a bit about whether or not I actually am tense, until I recognized the irony of the situation.

Saw Satanist Waiter out with LBHF. It was less awkward than I thought it might be, though it was still a little awkward. He smirked at us.

AFF Waiter texted a couple of weeks ago to solicit me for a FMF threesome. I didn’t respond and haven’t heard back from him.

Abrasive Dude With Whom I Once Worked has been Facebook-messaging me in the middle of the night in attempts to get me to go drink with him. He’s pretty attractive and I’d probably be interested if my attentions weren’t otherwise occupied. A little sad about this one, but I’d feel guilty if I pursued it, I think.

No one else comes to mind- I think this is the full rundown.

Oh, man

I have been in PMS hell for the past couple of weeks or so. I have a medical condition that makes me pretty irregular, so I can sometimes go months without getting my period- but then when it does show up, it’s a real doozy.

Briefly:

• Been completely ignoring all of the usual suspects except Dr. Jones, to whom I may or may not have declared my undying love in a fit of sobbing. I’ll never tell.
• Ex’s friend is seriously balls-to-the-wall hitting on me. I’m flattered but disinterested. Not sure how best to handle the situation.
• I have decided that I want Ex to die by accidentally being hit by a car being driven by his New Ho.  I am very cranky with both of them for being in love.
• I’ve pretty much quit drinking. I also started running again. It hasn’t made me any stabler, just less likely to commit embarrassing drunktexts.
• I have actively craved french fries for about a week and a half consecutively now. I’ve had them a couple of times.

Summary: I’m a huge mess. At this point, it’s impossible to take myself at all seriously.

I think I’m going to go get McDonald’s.

Zero to popcorn factory explosion in 2.4 seconds

Here are the other things that annoyed me yesterday prior to the double-whammy from OLB.

Saw obnoxiously sweet twitters to and from The Ex and his new ho. (Yes, I liked her when I met her, but I am jealous and don’t have to be nice about it.)
NewHo: @TheEx oh you totally knew & you didn’t tell me shame on youuuuu! 8:57 PM Jan 20th from twitterrific in reply to TheEx
TheEx: @NewHo you know my policy regarding secrets :) 9:00 PM Jan 20th from web in reply to NewHo

I don’t know what the fuck they are talking about, but to hell with both of them. At that point, I decided that I hoped they would both die in a horrific popcorn factory explosion. I went with this scenario because it is slightly more comical than gruesome, and while I am bitter, I am not exactly homicidally enraged about the whole thing.

I decided to stick with the theme when, in the meeting during which I was bombarded by OLB, I was forced to sit in a room with Dr. bitchass Jones, who constantly interrupted my glowering silence with dumb jokes at which I could not help but snicker. Few things are more annoying than being made to giggle when you’re trying to be in a bad mood. Popcorn factory explosion for him, too, then.

It was also very cold and I have had constipation-related bloating all week, which never makes a girl feel like her sassy and gorgeous self.

In addition to all that, one of The Ex’s friends has been email-flirting at me (he is one of the Facebook flirters mentioned in a previous post), and it makes me feel somewhat awkward. He’s very nicely muscled, but somewhat effeminate and fussy, and I also just feel weird about the fact that he and The Ex are still hanging out regularly. I am thinking about Having Things To Do With him just as a way of lashing out at The Ex for the possibility that his dog (formerly our dog) might like the New Ho better than she liked me, but that might be completely ineffective given that The Ex seems to have moved right the fuck along. Also, I don’t think his dog would have much of a reaction.  I’ll probably post more about The Ex’s friend later, after I come up with a glib nickname for him.

Facebook Flirters

Oddly, these people have been flirting with me on Facebook for the past couple of days. It makes me feel kinda weird.

1. This guy used to be a director at a company for which I previously worked. I had heard awhile back that he liked me particularly because he has a thing for “bad girls”. Recently, he offered to give me a Skype-based demonstration on the making of paneer.
2. This one was/is good friends with The Ex. He has serious food issues and may be bulimic. He loves my tattooed hip bones. Frankly, I am surprised at this, because the last girl he dated was super-mega-ultra tiny. I think she was/is also bulimic. I wonder if he told The Ex that he was planning to lay the mack down.
3. Ahh… I have been friends with this guy since I kicked his ass in the 7th grade spelling bee. He and I got into no end of trouble together throughout high school and have remained in touch ever since. We never hooked up, and I’m not really sure why. He is going through a divorce and lives in the D.C. area.

On Moving On

Found out yesterday that The Ex is seeing someone new. The way I found out was kind of a blow; I saw the relationship status change in my friends feed on Facebook. Felt like someone had sucker-punched me in the gut. Whenever I think about it, I feel a little like I might throw up.

This leads me to wonder exactly why that is. I was the one that broke up with him, it was months ago, and I have been seeing other people consistently since the breakup. I guess it is hurtful to me that he has taken the whole thing so much better than I have. I have been a huge disgusting mess, and he seems to really have his shit together. I think the breakup may have been one of the best things to have happened to him in years. I don’t feel bad about that.

I also have nothing against the girl he is dating. I have met her before and she is awesome. Lots of fun and a classy dame. In addition to all that, she is heavier than I am and has really bushy eyebrows, which satisfies some spiteful female competitive inclination within me.

Sometimes I suspect that he may have been too good for me from the beginning. I feel weird today.